Hey everyone, yesterday was my birthday and I decided to take the day off. Before Rob left for work, he asked me what my plans were for the day and I told him that I didn’t have any plans and I was going to ‘just chill’. There was a total look of surprise on his face because we often joke with each other about the fact that I find it impossible to just sit and ‘be’. Meditation is something I have to really work at!
After he left the house I decided I was going to sit in the garden and read a book. Within 5 minutes, I was back in the house checking on something. I sat back outside and then five minutes later I decided to make a coffee so was back in the house again. It made me realise exactly why he raised an eye brow when I said I was going to chill out. I know I am not alone in this
I know so many people who have become so masterful at multi-tasking that they no longer can sit and do nothing. If they are watching a programme on tv, they are also doing several other tasks simultaneously! The other reason we constantly fill our time is because we don’t want to sit and really think about where we are at, what we want and how fulfilled we are. We distract ourselves from having to think too deeply about how happy we really are.
This week I want to take you back to the first principle of my personal change philosophy which is all about ‘nurturing yourself’. To nurture means “to care for and protect someone or something while they are growing”. If you have children, you will know exactly what nurturing someone means so isn’t it interesting that we seem to lose the ability to do it for ourselves?
One of the biggest limiting beliefs I hear people share around this phase of my change programme is the belief that nurturing themselves and spending time focusing on their own needs somehow feels selfish or self-indulgent. I understand that; I have been there. What I do know though, is that you will not achieve a fulfilling life full of passion and purpose if you are not prepared to do the inner work that is required and to gift yourself time and space to do this.
Let’s recap on what nurturing your life means:
Being honest about where you are now.
I believe we are truly blessed. We have so much at our disposal. We have access to more today than we ever have. Travel is easier which means the world has become smaller. You can buy pretty much anything you like on the internet. The options we have are far greater than ever before due to the technology that continually evolves and yet I know that so many people feel dis-satisfied.
Ask yourself – Is life feeling good? Are you satisfied with what you are achieving? Are you happy? Do you feel abundant? Do you feel you have direction? Does your life excite and delight you?
Being honest about who you are
We all play so many roles in our lives, such as parent, sibling, spouse, co-worker, friend etc. the list just goes on and on. With so many roles to fulfil, it is easy to lose sight of who we really are.
Ask yourself – When was the last time you just played the role of being you? Do you even know what that means? If you had no other roles to play, what role would you choose? Who would you be?
Being honest about what you want
As we progress through life, our desires change. What I wanted for my life in my twenties and thirties is SO different to what I want now that I am in my forties and is a world away from what I want to achieve in the rest of my life. We often set out on a path and believe that what we have, is what we will always have. We built a dream twenty years ago and we settle in to the dream and we settle for what we have.
Ask yourself – If you could change the story, what new story would you tell? What is that burning ambition that you keep hidden? If you could choose a different path, where would it lead?
Being honest about what is really holding you back
We tell ourselves stories all the time that are simply not true. When I am working closely with any of my coaching clients, I listen out for these stories so that I can bring them in to the person’s awareness. Very often, the stories have been with us for so long, we believe them to be our reality. These stories are often the limiting beliefs that are holding you back and keeping you stuck.
Ask yourself – Are you telling yourself you are too old to learn something new? Are you telling yourself that it’s too late to change something? Are you telling yourself something is too difficult? These are all FEARS that are keeping you ‘safe and comfy’ in your comfort zone. Time to re-think!
Let’s go back to our definition of nurturing – “to care for and protect someone or something as they grow”. That is what I do as a coach for all of my clients.
Looking at yourself in the mirror and reflecting on the questions I asked above is brave and scary. I understand that because I have been down the path and come out the other side. That is why I know that I must walk beside my clients as they wrestle with the changes they want to make. I am there for support and at times for some tough love but it is all done with the intention of helping that person GROW and live a life that is worthy of their ambitions, dreams and desires.
When I talk about nurturing yourself, it goes far beyond having a day at the spa, having some ‘me’ time, spending time with family etc. Of course, I believe all of these things are important and I positively encourage them BUT giving yourself the time to go deep inside yourself and ask the tough questions is where your true transformation will begin.
Why not make a date with yourself and start the work?
Next week I will be recapping on the principle of taking ownership
Until next week